The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps

Reviews

1. 

   The Box is Here! – August 27, 2024

   Marriage Weekend Workshop & Therapist Certification based on this info sorely needed!
   Update: Oh, how important it is that this material be presented widely! And, learned while young, could likely prevent years of heartbreak & harmful personality adaptation patterns which are hard to break when well established and layered with the challenges of aging.My DH has refused to invest in the thousands of dollars over the course of the first year that therapy or coaching for him, therapy for me re: eggshell/walking living, and the all important therapy for the marriage would require. He became (apparently predictably) depressed, when, once medicated, he began to take in his large part in our difficulties. It had been his pattern all through the years to dismiss and blame me, and now I expected real improvement, and it seemed valid, yet overwhelming. His behavior became more passive-aggressive and deteriorated to the point I could no longer live in the same household, for my own sanity, waiting for a “good moment” with him, much less anything requiring compassion and forethought. He doesn’t believe in the available help, after so many costly therapy sessions that went nowhere. He’s tired & hopeless before he really began. I am going through a difficult divorce now, yet believe it must be for the best.Help get this into the hands of young people, and some inexpensive way for average folks to be personally guided, as books and ADHD often don’t mix well. Thank you, also, for your teleseminar, Melissa. It was well done. I may retrain to assist in this field, seeing the huge need.Melissa has done an excellent job of laying out the ramifications of un or under addressed ADHD’s effect on marriage. What is sorely needed now is a weekend workshop for couples and therapist certification in the methods recommended here.With 16 years of this marital challenge behind us, divorce was very much on it’s way, and yet with this book we both have a new ally, a resurgence of hope. I will go to the next therapist, put this in his or her hands, and say “read this, and handle us this way”.Something resembling the Gottman’s weekends and therapist training is needed to offer a lifeline to the many couples headed for divorce unnecessarily, if they just had help. Interactive settings are often much better in getting through to ADHD folks than books. Having a respected presenter say the same things the non-ADHD partner is trying to express should increase credibility, and open the door to understanding. Books are simply not enough. A non-profit method to provide this help to lower income folks would have a huge impact.It may be too late for us. We needed to put to use this type of information and support a very long time ago, and while I have read many current, excellent books on the subject, this one hits home as the best. Hope we can scrape ourselves together for another try.Thank you, thank you, Melissa for bringing forth this validating, useful, wise book.

2. 

   Veronique Christie – August 27, 2024

   This book was a game changer for me and my husband. (Although disclaimer: we are separated rn for other reasons)Especially considering he was untreated his entire life for it, this showed us both so many ways that ADHD was affecting our marriage and we didn’t even realize it! It really helped us both be aware of why he does what he does, and how to have better compassion, understanding, and patience for him. As well as finding better ways to handle both his symptoms, and my reactions to them. In fact, I’d say the best part of this book was realizing how MY actions/reactions actually worsened his ADHD symptoms, so I could work better to help him.

3. 

   RJB – August 27, 2024

   Well written, well explained and with a good logical progression of thought that helps you work through it methodically and effectively. It addresses both partners and treats both very equally, with little to no judgement about the situation you find yourself in.Definitely worth a read for anyone who knows someone with ADHD, or for people with it.

4. 

   beth lamb – August 27, 2024

   Ce livre m’explique dans des termes très clairs ce qu’il faut et ne pas faire avec mon partenaire qui a le TDAH. Un exemple, ne pas lui “parenter” en donnant des conseils et en le maternant. Des exemples très explicites de ce que ressent un TDAH (ma fille souffre de ceci aussi) par rapport à un “non” TDAH.Ca ouvre les yeux sur les problèmes d’emploi, relations humaines et la façon dont le cerveau fonctionne, c’est à dire, trop de détails qu’un TDAH se noie dedans.J’ai experimenté discretement ceci en conseillant à mon homme un certain médicament pour sa migraine. Il était poli, mais j’ai vu que ce n’était pas bienvenu.Beaucoup de vérité dans ce livre et d’exemples de couples ayant des problèmes (dont le but de ne pas avoir ses problèmes dans son couple).Excellent.

5. 

   emma_regencyromancefan – August 27, 2024

   This is a brilliant book that has really helped me understand my spouse. It’s only recently come to light that my 34 year old husband has ADHD. I was a little bewildered at first to think he had this “mental disorder” and was almost in denial. (I’m the sort of person to brush things under the carpet, “don’t worry about it!” “Just be positive” Etc.) My husband is always someone that has been easily distracted, losing things constantly, feeling brain is muddled, feeling unworthy and not good at any tasks, puts a lot of effort into being organised etc so when I read this book I couldn’t believe how it described him. He’s not as bad as some of the extreme examples in this book but the first page with the blurbs about “does he feel like this, do you feel like this” were shocking how on point they were. I’m constantly trying to control what he does and yes I’m a nagger . This book has given me a totally different perspective though. It’s really helped me learn about myself more too, things that I can do, things not to do, how I can come to the realisation that he deserves respect and consideration too and realise that I can’t change him because ADHD just doesn’t work like that. I wouldn’t say we were having extreme marriage problems, we do argue a fair bit though and this has really given me food for thought how I will react going forward over arguments. I would imagine if you were having serious marriage problems this would also help you.I’d also like to give my thoughts on another review which I think is very unfair. Never does this book state the nonADHD spouse is superior to the ADHD spouse, in fact the main gist I got from it was that you shouldn’t act like that and you shouldn’t have a parent-child like relationship unless you want to be unhappy and make your spouse also unhappy. Also it IS use to women with ADHD, the author has a section about both partners having ADHD and while most examples are using “he” as the one with ADHD there are lots of examples where she says “she” has the ADHD. Also don’t forget this author is a she and her husband was the one that has ADHD so she’s going to talk more that way. Doesn’t mea it doesn’t talk about it the other way round though. It’s not patronising, you need simple things to get through to your head, I can’t sit there reading scientific wording and overly complex ways of saying simple statements, otherwise I won’t understand what I need to do? It’s not written for a dumb person, you still feel it’s intelligent. It also doesn’t say that all problems are down to ADHD, in fact it makes clear that often both parties have other illnesses that might be causing issues and suggests the non-adhd spouse look into if they have issues of anxiety/depression and so on and clearly says that those with ADHD most of the time have other illnesses along with that like depression etc etc. I mean it is a book about ADHD so the author is gonna focus on that? If you want a book about general marriage problems and tips then go for a totally different type of book.If you want a book that will help you finally understand why your spouse acts in certain ways and how you can make their lives and your own life better going forward then read it. If your spouse also reads it, great. But even if only you read it, you’re enlightening yourself.Re spelling issues. Yes I have the printed version and I probably noticed about 4 errors in a 245 page long book.

6. 

   Amazon Customer – August 27, 2024

   Some of the examples could have been my story. It has helped me to see i am not crazy afterall